Networking Neanderthals

When it comes to your business networking, are you a hunter or a gatherer?

There was a time (a very short time) when I felt that networking was "not-working".  Much of my previous belief in this stemmed from a combination of three things.  One, my experiences with such networking associations as my local chamber of commerce and how it generally turned into one big secret handshake club and very little real business seemed to be coming forth from it.  Two, my initial and momentary timidity whenever I walked into a room full of complete strangers.  And three, my pre-conceived notions about how networking actually worked -- as in I was expecting to walk into a networking event expecting to come away from it with a client or an actual assignment (I know, how foolish of me). 

It took a great deal of time to get over the timid aspects of my personality, which was scrubbed away by years of forcing myself to step out there, and now I can chat with complete strangers even at a busy city intersection.

But that was just one small part of my problem.  You see, although it is important to gain confidence and get over those momentary jitters, perhaps more important to understand about networking is actually how it works and how to work it.  I was recently reading a book called "Business Networking And Sex", authored by Dr. Ivan Misner, who is considered to be the single greatest expert in network marketing.  Despite the salacious title, the book was actually about gender studies as they applied to networking and discussed how businessmen approached networking versus how businesswomen approached networking.  And something interesting came out of the various studies of statistics and polls that formed the basis of Dr. Misner's book. 

One of the biggest conclusions drawn was that men tended to look at networking as a short range method by which to quickly get a business referral lead that would quickly lead to "closing the deal", whereas women tended to look at networking as a long term method by which to obtain business referral leads that would eventually at some unknown point in the future lead to "closing the deal".  But also, more importantly, their approach led toward developing lasting client relationships with those they networked with.  What seemed to be implied in the data was that men, acting as they had since we were cavemen were hunters, and women behaved like gatherers.  Pre-historic men were known for going out, searching for animals to kill and thereby quickly bring home the bacon.  The men cooperated in short-term coordinated operations to bring down a wooly mammoth (closing the deal).  But pre-historic women, who stayed closed to the cave, so to speak, tended to the children, the fires, and gathered fruits and nuts.  Doing this led to long term cooperation amongst the women on a routine basis.  This tended toward stronger relationships amongst the women than amongst the men.  And also, the gathering and the tending that the women did cooperatively was more consistent than what the men were doing, as it was not everyday that the men came home with a mammoth on their backs.

Which leads to an interesting question, which really has very little to do with gender studies.  When networking, what is better - to be a hunter or to be a gatherer?  Despite my obvious leanings toward my own gender, I have attempted as best I can to adopt the latter and to discard my previous misconceptions.  I function as a gatherer, or even better, as a farmer.  I don't walk into a networking event, such as an industry association convention expecting to meet someone who will give me an assignment there on the spot.  I don't even expect to receive an email or phone call within the next week or month from that person.  No, instead, I begin to foster and nurture that new relationship with the person and all the other people I met at that networking event.  I plant seeds, I water the saplings of those new relationships, and I gather the ripening fruits that eventually come forth.  In other words, I take the time to learn about those people I meet at networking events, both personally and professionally.  I also look for ways by which I can help them find a business referral, even if that referral turns out to be me.  And whenever I do that it leads to a lasting relationship that at some point develops into long term, consistent business referrals and revenue for my company, as well as (and here's the added benefit) a good friendship with someone I would not have otherwise known had I simply tried to go out there and kill the mammoth.

So what do you think?  I would enjoy hearing your comments on this matter as well as any anecdotes out there that either confirms Dr. Misner's studies (and my opinion) or refutes it.


Bob Hill is the author of "The Business End of Process Service" available on Amazon.com.